In class last night we were talking about how it costs only $500 dollars to map out your genome... meaning you could find out all the diseases you are at risk for, meaning you may be able to prevent such illnesses now... but it also means you might find out you are predisposed to have something terrible, something that means you might die before your children, something that isn't curable.
Some would answer that question with "I don't wanna know!" mentality. Others, striving for perfection (and I don't blame them), would want to do everything they can to stay alive and keep living worry free. After all, as long as your healthy, you have everything right?
My professor went on to say how great it would be. Assuming what you find in your genes is preventable or curable, you could ensure that you were healthy for maybe the rest of your life... you might live past 100.... 110... 115. But what if what is found is heartbreaking? Say you're 20... Would you want to know that you will most likely get breast cancer at the age of 50, when your kids are going off to college? How would it change the way you live your life? Is it better to be blind to the future?
I'm still pondering this question. I, of course, have a different perspective because I was diagnosed with a potentially life-threatening illness at the age of 3. At this point, and I'm only being brutally honest here, there is a good chance that CF, indirectly or directly, may kill me at some point. (There's also an equal chance that something completely random like a freak lion attack at the zoo could kill me too... could kill anyone really.) But the point is, I'm living with something that is potentially deadly, and I'm fully aware and accepting of that fact.
What do I do then? Well, I look at it in the most reasonable light possible... and then I do absolutely everything I can to delay sickness and death; I do absolutely everything I can to be healthy; I do what I can to raise money to help treat cf better; and I pray a lot ;) My situation is different though, I've had 18 years to digest CF. I've come to terms with the fact that it sucks but there's nothing I can do to get rid of it so I just gotta be positive and live the best that I can.... and be thankful for what I've learned. But I can tell you right now that if you asked me when I was 5 about CF I would have told you how yucky my enzymes were (back when I had to chew them), at 13 I would have swore a lot, cried, and told you how much I hate it, and even some days today I might curse its existence, especially when it takes my friends, when it causes parents worry, when I know there are thousands of people with CF sick and in the hospital.
Don't get me wrong, if I and everyone living with CF could be cured right now, I would do whatever it takes. But what if that day in 1993 that my parents were told I had cf... what if that day I could have taken a pill and never had to deal with cf at all? Its hard to say what my life would have been like, but I can tell you right now I wouldn't go back and change that. I believe fully that everything happens for a reason, and living with cf has taught me volumes and volumes about life. Much of my philosophy of living stems from my experiences with cf, I won't go into detail since the majority of my blog stresses those lessons (see Re-Remembering), but the point is, I'm okay with how my life has turned out so far, I don't regret it. As hard as it might be to realize when I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired... its the pain and struggle that shapes you, molds you into who you are.
So I'm still not sure if I would want to map out my genome. Its almost obvious that if you can prevent pain and suffering, you would. Cancer deaths could be prevented by 60% if people followed early testing recommendations. Why would someone willingly ignore that they might die from cancer if they could change that fact now by getting tested? Maybe you'd rather just live your life, put off the knowledge that you, like every other human, might die one day. But then again, I'm sure there are a rare number of people who would willingly and knowingly succumb to pain and suffering if there was a quick way to prevent it. But I have cf, cf has no cure... and in a weird, some might say crazy, way I'm thankful for all the pain and suffering I've had in my life. But then again, I don't think any child, or even adult, should have to go through what I and other cfer's have. I would not wish it on any one for the sole purpose of learning a lesson.
But maybe we need some sort of life difficulty in order to fully realize our true potential and to get meaning out of life. Could we eventually get to a point that, at least medically, those problems won't exist? Eventually, maybe in 100 years, we might. So what will that mean for the lessons God throws at us when He makes us suffer from sickness and fear? I honestly can't answer that question. I cannot consciously say that I would choose pain over health. That would be unfathomable. But I know that I wouldn't go back and change the way my life has played out. Can you see how I'm going in circles now?
I guess where I'm going is....no where. I don't know the answer to that question my professor asked of me, it opens up a whole new can of worms. All I know is, I'm happy with living in the present, making the most of today, not worrying about tomorrow. I know that if CF could be cured, I would take that pill or treatment or surgery or whatever it may be ASAP. But I also know that you need a little struggle in order to learn. Sometimes we don't have clear answers. Sometimes we don't need them. We just have to live life day by day, figuring it out as we go.
